Wednesday, 16 July 2014

Entry Requirements

It is almost impossible for an ordinary mortal to obtain a visa to visit Nilkawt.  Even so, each year thousands of hopefuls make the trek to the possible vicinities of our worldwide embassies, in the slight chance that they may gain entry to any of the relevant locations.

For some applicants, the initial problem lies in the fact that their Internet browsers need updating.  Other applicants have been known to have no access to the Internet at all.  Perhaps they are unaware that administrative communication by enlightened governments and other excellent institutions nowadays is usually digital.

Another situation frequently encountered by embassy staff is that the wrong sort of people have a tendency to turn up.  This is a common problem in the world today, especially when invitations have not been officially provided beforehand.

A very serious difficulty lies in the fact that many applicants are in the habit of telling lies on application forms.  For the embassy staff, this is usually resolved by ensuring our physical embassies are never open to the public.  The physical locations of Nilkawtian diplomatic entities also tend to change at very short notice.

Through the process of constant relocation, all current Nilkawtian embassies and ambassadors, except for this digital one, remain top secret.  They are mainly used for intelligence purposes.

The current physical embassy in Adelaide, for example, is only usually entered by one or two unauthorised individuals seeking a shortcut to a garden shed. 

Prospective visitors to Nilkawt should also note that several embassy staff, in several Nilkawtian embassies, have probably obtained their current positions by telling lies on their application forms.  In view of this, the Government of Nilkawt always endeavours to seek pertinent additional information from the Nilkawtian public, and the global public, regarding all aspects of the truth.

To visit Nilkawt in person, please ensure you have first managed to obtain Australian citizenship in a legal, fair, internationally recognised manner.  Then try to locate Adelaide on a map as that is where all the permanent, hardworking, honest and conscientious Nilkawtian embassy staff are usually situated.

It is strongly advised never to knock on the physical door without an appointment, unless you are a serving member of either the South Australian Police service or the Australian Federal Police service.  Even then, you will not gain entry unless your charming manner and delightful documentation warrants it.

DO NOT send your passport to any Nilkawtian embassy as that will only cause amusement amongst the junior staff.  DO NOT send any money unless you have a large surplus of funds requiring a more suitable home than your usual financial institution. Although the fully state-owned Nilkawtian banking system is the most secure and reliable in the world, it is certainly not secretive or greedy.

PLEASE ENSURE YOU READ all the fine print, and all the finest non-printed news and views obtainable about the physical location of this digital embassy.  And do at least try to behave as though you are able to understand, speak, write and interpret the English language well enough to fill in all the relevant forms as required, particularly the first one.

Have you located Nilkawt on a map yet?