Monday, 4 August 2014

Minister for Lawnless Order

It is well known in Nilkawt that there is no usefulness at all in any sort of sporting activity, hence the enlightened desire of Nilkawtians to avoid such practices, even when a lawn is not required.

The Nilkawtians are very pleased indeed that they have no need for any type of infrequently used sporting facility and can therefore use the saved expense for more useful and pleasant purposes.

The people of Nilkawt have never been interested in competitive sports or any other unnecessary exertions, particularly as there are plenty of proper footpaths and lovely public, private and community gardens to ensure the Nilkawtians are properly exercised. 

Unlike Australia, where proper footpaths are often deemed to be an unnecessary expense, the footpaths of Nilkawt are amongst the most beautiful in the world.  Nilkawtian gardens are obviously magnificent and never excessively pruned.

To ensure the continuation of peacefulness in Nilkawt, the Constitution permits no lawns, topiary, firearms, pets, livestock, children, audio-visual equipment, inappropriate digital devices, internal combustion engines, nasty stories, distasteful pictures, junk food or sporting equipment.

The Minister for Lawnless Order, Ms Lorna Lott, has responsibility for permitting permits to be issued for the importation of fake lawns, plastic shrubs, adorable soft toys and lovely story books.  She also has the power to banish from Nilkawt any persons who are yet to become full citizens of Nilkawt, but only if they have found it impossible to uphold the Laws of Lawnlessness.

Lawnless order is particularly important in Nilkawt due to its erratic supply of fresh water.  Banishment is often, therefore, a consequence of the use of irrigation equipment on fake lawns.

With no creatures with the urge to run about on an expanse of grass, or even to eat it, real lawns would be nothing but a nuisance to the Nilkawtians.  Ms Lott wishes it to be known that with nothing mown, there is rarely any need for Nilkawtians to moan. She also wishes it to be known that she is happily single and never flirts with anyone unless provoked.

The Constitution of Nilkawt states that all full citizens of Nilkawt must usually be over the age of 50 years.  The Constitution also states that all persons under the age of twenty-eight years are considered to be children.