Wednesday, 13 August 2014

Minister for Pleasant Weather

The Government of Nilkawt relies on both Nilkawtian and Australian sources for much of its climatological information.  This particularly applies to climatological information of the statistical sort but fortunately not for its climate policies.

The Nilkawtian Bureau of Meteorology (NBM) recently had its budget cut.  This was mainly due to the fact that the bureau usually relies on the Australian Bureau of Meteorology rather than the Nilkawtian Ministry for Pleasant Weather, for most of its forecasting.

Most of the staff of the NBM have had very little to do but gather statistics and play with charts of data for the past twelve hundred years.  As the data is now all collected and documented digitally, the only member of staff remaining at the NBM is the energetic part-time cleaner, Mrs Wendy Greenhouse.

For climate statistics, the NBM relies on all the Nilkawtian citizenry rather than just the BOM, CSIRO, and the totally inadequate NBN.  The citizens of Nilkawt certainly do not expect to rely on the  quite-likely-never-to-be-properly-built Nilkawtian Broadband Network.

Nilkawt's climate policies are formulated through the Nilkawtian Ministry for Pleasant Weather, with only very slight assistance from the current minister, Ms Sheila B. Wright.  The minister has stated that neither she nor her department are responsible for the current, practically non-existent and therefore ineffective Nilkawtian climate policies.  She advises everyone to blame it on the weather and the Australian government.

The Constitution of Nilkawt requires every Nilkawtian household to gather environmental statistics three times a day, just before mealtimes.  At the end of each month, citizens are required to send the statistics to the NBM for analytical and synthetical processing.  After the monthly statistics are processed, the results are produced as glorious, full-colour data charts and then beautifully printed and bound.

The finished monthly product is then gift-wrapped and sent to the Minister for Pleasant Weather by hot air balloon, even when the weather is exceedingly unpleasant.  For this reason, most of the local statistics required for the formulation of locally-relevant climatological policies, particularly those of some usefulness to future Nilkawtians, have been lost in transit.