Thursday, 30 October 2014

Constitutional Crisis

Many concerns have been raised recently about the lack of news from Nilkawt.  There have even been some suggestions that the Nilkawtians are currently experiencing a constitutional crisis.

This digital embassy is open, mainly because the Nilkawtian head of state, Her Illustrious Highness the Ethereal Grand Duchess, Twaklin I, is currently in exile in this vicinity.  The judicial system of Nilkawt has collapsed, quite literally.

In view of this, before leaving the royal palace in Twaklinton, Her Illustrious Highness declared a state of emergency, as is her constitutional prerogative.  All states of emergency in Nilkawt usually amount to the same thing as an ad hoc public holiday.  Most members of the Nilkawtian public are, therefore, quite pleased about the current situation.

The facts of the matter are clear.  None of the judges of the Nilkawtian Hike Kawt Court of the Caught completed the necessary course of conduct as tradition prescribes, thereby deeming them unfit for office.  This was mainly due to the fact that the judges of the court had all been too busy in recent years, reading legislative documents and government reports in order to uphold the constitution.  They had therefore been unable to schedule enough time for physical training.

It has also reached the notice of the government of Nilkawt, as well as the Nilkawtian parliament/public, that all the judges of the Hike Kawt Court of the Caught had been prescribed medications for conditions incompatible with athletic exertions.  In view of this, once recovered enough to travel, the judges were all sent off to Adelaide last Saturday for an evening presentation of judicial evidence.

The Nilkawtian head of state is in the process of setting up a government in exile here in Adelaide.  She has the keys to all the government offices and official filing cabinets of Nilkawt in her possession, as well as the keys to the voting machine, the spare keys to the royal palace and all the key documents from the Hike Kawt building itself.

There have been no signs of civil unrest in Nilkawt, except for a few tourists who are unhappy that their tours of the royal palace have been cancelled.  Throughout history, foreigners have often been considered to be far more dangerous than locals when legal systems collapse.

Thursday, 16 October 2014

Public Holidays

The Nilkawtians believe regular public holidays are essential to their health and happiness.  In accordance with their constitution and Constitution, the people of Nilkawt, and their visitors, are usually able to enjoy public holidays at regular intervals.

There is the Election Announcement public holiday beginning in mid May every year and lasting for three weeks, three days and three minutes.

The New Citizen Ceremony public holiday is held on 1 July each year and lasts for no more than two hours.

The Election Campaign public holiday begins on the last Friday in August and lasts until the end of September, but only in the years in which elections are held.  Fortunately elections occur in every even year.  There is nothing odd about election campaigns in Nilkawt.

The traditional Social Season in Nilkawt still begins on the second Friday in October and lasts until the last Tuesday in March, every year.  Even though it is not formally recognised as such, the entire Social Season is often regarded as a public holiday by the Nilkawtians, including most of the persons employed in this digital embassy.

Wednesday, 15 October 2014

The Rule of Law

All Nilkawtians are required to uphold the rule of law with the utmost integrity.  The Nilkawtian Constitution therefore upholds the peaceful and democratic aims of the Nilkawtians in every respect. 

In most societies, younger persons are the cause of most types of disruption.  Although humane methods preventing the conception of excessive quantities of future generations are very well known in the world today, vast quantities of current generations, in many locations, have already produced vast quantities of offspring, quite often without the consent of the female parents of those offspring.  This is why the rule of law is so difficult to maintain in non-Nilkawtian territories.

It is very fortunate indeed that the Constitution of Nilkawt requires all Nilkawtian citizens to be dual citizens of Nilkawt and Australia.  Banishment to Australia is therefore possible whenever breaches of Nilkawtian laws have been identified sufficiently.

Most person with offspring are unlikely to become full citizens of Nilkawt.  And no Australian person is able to become any sort of Nilkawtian citizen until fully mature.

The Nilkawtian Constitution also requires all visitors to Nilkawt to be citizens of Australia, though obviously not (yet) citizens of Nilkawt.  All persons under the age of twenty eight years are forbidden to enter Nilkawtian territory regardless of their citizenship status. 

The necessity for all visitors and Nilkawtian citizens to be mature and responsible Australian citizens applies in all cases.  This is regardless of anyone's reasons for wishing to be within Nilkawt territory.  It therefore makes the messy requirements of international relations so much easier to manage.

Tuesday, 14 October 2014


The openness of the Nilkawtian government is renowned around the world.  This is an undoubted fact, even though most of that openness is not open to the physical scrutiny of impertinent foreign officials.

Nilkawt is open about its history.

Nilkawt is open about its media.

Nilkawt is open about its banking and treasury.

Nilkawt is open about the opening, closing and reopening of its embassies.

Nilkawt is open about its diplomatic digital mission.

Nilkawt is open about its governance, including its cabinet.

Nilkawt is open about its parliament.

Nilkawt is open about its tourism.

Nilkawt is open about its local communities.

Nilkawt is open about its requirements for citizenship.

Nilkawt is open about its requirements for business.

Nilkawt is open about its requirements for students.

Nilkawt is even relatively open about its elections.

Monday, 13 October 2014

Trade and Investment Commissioner

The Nilkawtian Trade and Investment Commissioner, Lady Verity (Veri) Goode, Countess of Elegantshire, is the model of business success worldwide.  The commissioner is the younger sister of the current Nilkawtian defence minister.

The entire County of Elegantshire is an export park, where thousands of elegant experts are employed on a wide range of imaginative research and development initiatives.  None of those persons work in the defence, mining or finance industries.  There is nothing elegant about preparing for wars, digging holes and burying treasure.

Lady Veri is the epitome of polite unpretentiousness and exquisite good taste.  Although she knows very well indeed that most billionaires in the world have an awkwardly poor sense of style and decorum, she is very pleased she is not one of them herself.  Even so, her personal fortune is quite possibly and comfortably within the range of a very-high-net-worth individual, though she never talks about the vulgar topic of money.

As Nilkawtian Trade and Investment Commissioner, Lady Veri delights in conversations about value.  If an investor wishes to discuss costs and benefits, or possibly even potential profits, Lady Veri gently guides such a person towards an appreciation of higher qualities.  If the investor still wishes to discuss costs, benefits and possible profits, Lady Veri is likely to show that person to the nearest investment door.

Unlike her sister, Jane, whose investments and assets are mainly in Australia and other under-developed countries, Lady Veri has declined to participate in any speculative ventures.  She has also declined to agree with the bigoted and repetitive opinions of her Uncle Bulldust, which is why he has announced, loudly and publicly, that he has excluded Lady Veri from his will.

All of Lady Veri's personal and commercial investments are within Nilkawt itself.  She often states that a commissioner should always lead by example.  That is why many of her philanthropic and scientific investments are of a globally-useful nature.

Most of Lady Veri's duties as commissioner require her to participate in the fine art of balanced portfolios.  She knows that commerce is only sordid when it is unmatched by lofty principles.  She also knows that lofty principles are themselves sordid if not matched by lofty actions.

An economy, in her view, is meant to raise the standard of interpersonal courtesy and enhance the quality of life of everyone, except the excessively lazy or excessively greedy.  Such an economy should give reason to hope for stability, everywhere in the world, and provide no cause for social unrest within Nilkawt itself.

Lady Veri is often the guest of honour at this digital embassy, much to the relief of the ambassador, who has no interest in, or understanding of, economic or commercial matters whatsoever. 

Friday, 10 October 2014


Tradition maintains that the ethereal Nilkawtian head of state will remain in that position for at least a thousand years, unless abdication is chosen.  After about two thousand years, it is likely that any society would want a different head of state, hence the constitution limits the term of office to 1,101 years, 101 hours and 11 seconds.

The previous head of state had a relatively short term in office, having abdicated after little more than 800 years.  Even so, she still intends to attend many of the ethereal events of the Nilkawtian Social Season, if invited to do so.  She also intends to attend royal events, anywhere else in the world, whether she is invited to attend those events or not.

Although Nilkawt has many laws in place to prevent its traditions becoming completely ridiculous, all Nilkawtians embrace the comfortable certainty and reassuring regularity of official celebrations.  In view of this, the traditional Social Season in Nilkawt still begins on the second Friday in October and lasts until the last Tuesday in March.  It is therefore unlike the traditionally silly British one.

In view of the above, a coronation ceremony is rarely part of the Social Season.  Even so, the most important opening event of the Season usually requires the presence of all the most distinguished members of Nilkawtian society.  They have traditionally participated in a magnificent procession from the Royal Palace in Twaklinton to the Palace of the Parlours, where Parliament sits, and onwards to the Hike Kawt Court of the Caught, where the Constitution of Nilkawt is enshrined in a beautiful, shining shrine.

The procession takes place at 10am on the second Saturday in October every year, including leap years.  At the head of the Constitutional Procession is the Sublime Solar Royal Carriage, in which the head of state and members of the Order of the Charter sit.

Fortunately there are no horses in Nilkawt, as everyone else in the Constitutional Procession is required to walk barefoot behind the carriage, unless presentations of Socially Special Sandals have been made to them by the head of state beforehand.

On the first day of the Season, the day before the Constitutional Procession, all the judges of the Hike Kawt Court of the Caught are required to run ceremoniously down the hill from their high offices in full court dress, all the way to the Royal Palace.  Those surviving the Jogging of the Judges Ceremony are then provided with somewhere to recover themselves until the Constitutional Procession begins the following day.  This tradition ensures all the highest judges in Nilkawt remain sufficiently fit for office.

Any judges deemed unsuitable for continuation as judges, whether in a physical, mental, judicial or civic capacity, are subsequently examined publicly, later in the Social Season, by a panel of honourable citizens, carefully selected at random and appointed ceremoniously by the Humour Rights Commissioner.  This process is conducted openly and publicly so that suitable replacements for the retiring judges can then be identified and appointed with egalitarian dignity, in accordance with equitable tradition.

Attendance at many other events of the Social Season is strictly by invitation only.  This exclusivity is maintained to ensure all attention-seeking persons and inadequately respectful media personnel are kept away. 

All the most highly prized invitations for the most exclusive occasions of the Social Season are sent out on behalf of the Nilkawtian head of state during the third week of January each year.  Replies are required by the last day of February, except in a leap year, when replies are not required at all.

The Nilkawtians have traditionally avoided all displays of conspicuous poor taste. In keeping with Nilkawtian tradition, therefore, no events of the Social Season are permitted to be sponsored by corporate entities.

Also in keeping with the elegantly egalitarian aspects of the Nilkawtian Social Season, there are no charity balls to attend.  Social extravagances in other parts of the world have been known for the condescending self-indulgence of overly wealthy persons rather than for encouraging widespread, enlightened philanthropy.

Thursday, 9 October 2014

International Law

As a founding member of the Enlightened Nations, Nilkawt upholds the International Laws of Decency, as well as Eternal Law.  Responding to external matters requires a full and comprehensive understanding of international laws, universal laws and transcendental laws.  This is why the Nilkawtians delegate such tasks to their very well trained diplomatic officials.

As with any society, very few Nilkawtians know very much about any sort of law at all.  It is why most citizens of Nilkawt are currently receiving training in such matters.

The Government of Nilkawt does not recognise the legitimacy of any other government in the international sphere unless that government recognises the ethereal and institutional sovereignty of Nilkawt and its citizens.  Applying to recognise Nilkawtian sovereignty is very easy indeed for any government to achieve.  Unfortunately, most governments have very little ability to achieve anything of long-term benefit to the world, regardless of how long they have been in power.

Wednesday, 8 October 2014

Selection Processes

Whether applying for a visa, applying to become a citizen, choosing a cabinet, or applying the tools of excellent decision-making elsewhere, it is necessary to understand the correct procedures for the selection processes.

Applying for entry to Nilkawt requires the applicant to select the most suitable type of visa.  The applicant is further assisted by knowing when a Nilkawtian embassy is open and when it is closed.

Applying to become a citizen of Nilkawt initially requires some prior residency in Nilkawt itself.  In view of this, as an initial step, it is necessary to understand the procedures for selecting visas and visitors and hence being subsequently selected for entry to Nilkawtian territory for any purpose at all.

Residency in Nilkawt is no guarantee that Nilkawtian citizenship will be attained.  Initially, an application should be made for associate citizenship, after which full citizenship may or may not be granted.

Full citizenship not only requires the successful completion of a highly selective process for the acquisition of essential accomplishments but also a petition to the head of state, signed personally by twelve highly regarded full mortal Nilkawtian citizens, endorsing the application.

Choosing a cabinet, on the other hand, is never as easy as selecting individuals.  No matter how accomplished one cabinet member may be, there are always the factors of group dynamics to consider.

Either all cabinet members should be equally competent, or they should be equally incompetent.  Such wisdom is enshrined appropriately in the Nilkawtian Constitution, of course.

As it is compulsory for a Nilkawtian citizen of any stature to accept a cabinet position when offered, there is very little opportunity for anyone to jostle for power.  This is probably why Australian journalists rarely request interviews with Nilkawtian cabinet members.

Selecting persons to run local government institutions in Nilkawt, on the other hand, is mainly conducted through a process of tradition, using the time-honoured method of trial and error.  This saves a great deal of time and a great deal of money.  It also creates a great deal of dramatic tension, media attention, dishonourable discussions, sensational trials and possibly avoidable errors.

Any Nilkawtian associate citizen deemed to be relatively honourable, seemingly competent and appropriately qualified will be given an initial two-week local government position of responsibility on a non-compulsory basis.  Applications can be made at any time at all as there is always room for improvement in any community and its environment. 

Local government in Nilkawt is very exciting indeed and an excellent career choice for anyone worthy of respect.

Tuesday, 7 October 2014

Independent Commissioners Against Corruption

Every society needs at least one independent commissioner against corruption.  In Nilkawt, there are twenty-five such positions, twenty-four of which are currently filled.

The most important qualification for a commissioner against corruption is the ability to think independently.  In most societies, however, it is very difficult indeed to identify and locate any persons with that ability.  That may be because the science of independent thinking is still in its infancy and human nature has a tendency to be manipulated quite easily and irrationally.

Preventing corruption, reporting cases of possible corruption, and investigating claims of corruption usually require millions of independent minds to be working around the clock, all around the world.  This requires discernment.  It requires courage.  It requires support.  It requires the willingness to seek out facts and check their verifiability.

Currently, the Nilkawtian independent commissioners against corruption are assisting the Nilkawtian independent commissioners for free and fair elections to ensure the recent elections in Nilkawt were truly free and fair.   Being fair themselves, and working for a reasonable but not excessive salary, the independent commissioners against corruption certainly have the ability to ensures that fairness is also upheld by the independent commissioners for free and fair elections.

Monday, 6 October 2014

Independent Commissioners for Free and Fair Elections

Peer pressure is often a problem in any society.  It is for this reason that secret ballots are required, even though many voters still believe they are meant to vote as others wish them to vote.

In Nilkawt, such problems are easily solved.  Reasonably free elections require little funding in Nilkawt.  They are therefore almost free in several senses of the word.

Reasonably fair elections, like all forms of fairness, require suitably experienced persons to make the most important decisions.  There is nothing more important than choosing members of a cabinet, which is why the decision should never be left to one person.

Electing a cabinet is far more important than attempting to choose political or economic representatives of lesser influence.  In most societies, only positions of lesser influence are voted upon by ordinary members of the public.  In Nilkawt, persons highly likely to become cabinet members are usually ordinary members of the public themselves.

The Independent Commissioners for Free and Fair Elections are responsible for ensuring representatives of Nilkawtian ordinariness are given the most suitable cabinet positions for their talents.   In most other societies, persons of mediocre talent and extraordinarily narcissistic tendencies are usually given cabinet positions for which they are quite unsuited.

There are three commissioners, all of whom are extraordinarily tall, muscular and excellent debaters.  They work as a well co-ordinated team to ensure each voter has all the tools of persuasion required in order to make the correctly democratic decisions. 

Friday, 3 October 2014

Election Results

The recent elections in Nilkawt ran very smoothly and democratically indeed, as usual. 

As far as the governance of Nilkawt is concerned, cabinets are appointed for a maximum of three years and a minimum of two years, unless a shorter time span is deemed necessary in the event of societal agitation.  All members of a particular cabinet usually begin their terms at the same time.  They also end their terms together, unless something very unusual occurs.

Most other members of the Nilkawtian government are either appointed for life, or appointed on a fixed term, or appointed for an unpredictable length of time at the pleasure of the head of state.  The cabinet is only a very small part of the government.

The official announcement of the most recent election took place on Wednesday 21 May, at 17.38:23 in the afternoon.  It is only in a year after a leap year than the official announcement is made politely and precisely at 3pm, or at 15.00:00 to be most officially precise.  In other years, the time of day is chosen is at the discretion of the head of state, in accordance with the relevant provisions of the Constitution, and in accordance with the provisions supplied for afternoon tea on that day.

The official announcement was, of course, followed immediately by a public holiday.  It was noted by the head of state, with some amusement, that some people would miss their scheduled transport connections for non-Nilkawtian adventures, due to the fact that those persons were inadequately familiar with the provisions of the Constitution and were therefore not permitted to leave their places of employment in time for their proposed departure.

As the election itself was held on Tuesday 30 September, the earlier public holiday and subsequent months of discussions gave the sitting cabinet members plenty of time to ponder over the possible identities of their replacements.  The formal vote therefore took place, as scheduled, in accordance with the Constitution, and the votes were counted that same evening.

The formal announcement of the results, however, is not yet due to be held just yet.  This means that there is much gossip and suspense occurring in Nilkawt at present.  Everyone needs a little excitement in their lives from time to time and this has therefore been enshrined in the Constitution.

The ballot itself was secret, of course.  In fact, the results are also a secret at present as they were only counted initially by the Earl of Foolya's worldwide patent-pending uniquely infallible FPH machine.

The earl, as a count, is a gentleman of impeccable discretion on most occasions.  Under his less-formal-yet-still-noble name of Lord Gregory Gobsmack-Twittering, he is most famous for having developed the FPH machine, originally and initially, for the unfailingly accurate assessment of biased public opinion.  FPH is therefore meant to mean Foolproof Popularity Hashtag.

Most Nilkawtians prefer to refer to the machine as the Finest People Hired device, though that may be a sign of wishful thinking on their part.  They would certainly not refer to it as a political machine.

The password for the FPH machine was set well before the election by the Nilkawtian head of state, meaning that she is the only person qualified to announce the results officially and accurately.  The Constitution allows her to do so at any time of her own pleasure as long as it is between the second Friday in October immediately after an election and by the last Tuesday in March before the first official announcement of the next election.

In the meantime, there are many persons unofficially and inaccurately speculating on who will be part of the next Nilkawtian cabinet.  In most other societies, such speculators are referred to as political pundits.

For further information regarding Nilkawtian Constitutional arrangements, please refer to the following items:

More details about the elections

More details about the parliament

More details about the head of state

More details about official announcements

Thursday, 2 October 2014

Grand Reopening

Yesterday, great celebrations were held for the grand reopening of this digital embassy.  As part of the ritual, the keys were pressed and stroked affectionately by everyone present, before the ambassador ceremoniously opened the windows here in Adelaide.

The Nilkawtian elections are over.  Everything can go back to normal.  The Nilkawtian Constitution will see to that.

A few words were passed quietly around the gathering to reassure everyone that a new cabinet would be sworn in at the most appropriate moment.  There were sighs of relief at the news.