Monday, 20 April 2015

Financial Services Review

Concerns have been raised in the Parliament of Nilkawt recently that the financial system of Nilkawt is unable to compete sufficiently in the global market place.  One of the concerns relates to the fact that all visitors to Nilkawt are required to possess Australian citizenship.

Entry requirements for Nilkawt are in keeping with the Constitutional necessity to maintain a balanced economy.   Public funds are currently only available to assess the authenticity of Nilkawtian and Australian passports, both at the borders of Nilkawtian territory and within the various embassies, consulates and high-security global investment facilities Nilkawt maintains across the globe.

The Bank of Nilkawt usually receives deposited funds through direct and indirect transfers, routed through the Australian financial system.  Mr Ben D Goh, a banking expert from Australia, has frequently complained, through this digital embassy, of the unfair practices of the current cozy currency coterie of Nilkawtian central bank managers.

There is nothing new or unusual about complaints of inadequate financial services, anywhere in the world.  The main reason for the proposed financial services review is to ensure the Nilkawtian breath mark becomes the world's preferred reserve currency within the next decade.  One of the primary considerations of the mission of this embassy is to ensure that the proposed, and somewhat inevitable eventuality, will occur as rapidly as reasonably possible.

To ensure the Nilkawtian financial services review is as independent and credible as possible, it is to be conducted without the direct assistance of anyone associated with the Treasury of Nilkawt.  Nor will anyone associated with the review be a former or current beneficiary of the Nilkawtian banking system.  After all, the openness of Nilkawt is renowned throughout the world.  Nilkawt is also known for its excellent economy.

Unlike anywhere else in the world, Nilkawt has a beautiful political system, even with the many legal challenges it continues to face.  Fortunately, most persons are willing to withdraw their legal challenges when provided with the necessary facts, and especially when presented with the fees.

Raising the entry requirements for Nilkawt, or even just the fees for entry, has been suggested as a way to boost the prestige of Nilkawt on the international stage.  Everyone wishes to obtain exclusive access to special places, apparently.

There have been suggestions, as indicated by Mr Goh, that the Bank of Nilkawt is currently excessively exclusive, particularly in terms of its senior management.  There have also been concerns expressed in the Parliament of Nilkawt that Nilkawtian citizenship is becoming too dependent on the wealth of applicants, leading to Constitutional concerns.  Discussions are currently occurring at all known levels of government in Nilkawt regarding this matter.

Although the Ethereal Grand Duchy of Nilkawt has only existed under Eternal Law since the 2002-2003 financial year, and has only existed in accordance with the needs of mortals since 2009, it has existed through prehistorical precedence, societal relevance and hierarchical residence since time immemorial.   There has always been a distinction in Nilkawt between the temporal and the eternal.

The quality and prestige of financial services, anywhere in the world, usually depends on trustworthiness.  For this reason, the Nilkawtian Trade and Investment Commissioner is very well known in the very best of diplomatic, financial and business circles.

As in any society, too much freedom can lead to serious problems in much the same way as too little freedom.  This is particularly the case when the education, advice and traditions within an institution have been inadequate for contemporary circumstances.  This is why the Nilkawtian Independent Commissioners Against Corruption are always kept very busy indeed.


In its terms of reference, the Financial Services Review will examine:


a) The Nilkawtian sovereign wealth fund;

b) The activities of the Grand Chancellery of the Treasury;

c) The paper trails, digital footprints and customer service records of the Bank of Nilkawt;

d) The most lucrative and ludicrous sources of government revenues;

e) The purported importance of the money key;

f) The efficiency of the Ample Sufficiency Agency;

g) The bonuses, salaries and fringe benefits provided to the members of the Salaries Review Board;

h) The inventory and inventiveness of Nilkawtian art works and all other investments.


The review itself will be chaired by the Nilkawtian Humour Rights Commissioner, who knows very little at all about financial matters and is therefore the most independent and competent person available for the task.