Friday, 10 April 2015

Minister for Housing

It is with great relief that the Government of Nilkawt is able to announce that a Nilkawtian minister for housing has finally been appointed.  Ms Jeanie Cooee-Fish-Ant has many years of experience as a mortgage broker, conveyancer, geomancer, financial planner and attention-seeking international bushwalker.  She has also worked as a foreign exchange trader, stockbroker, insurance broker, relationship manager and séance manager.

Ms Cooee-Fish-Ant first came to Nilkawt inadvertently, having lost her way on a bushwalking expedition, led into and out of one of the many hidden caves by an inexperienced, non-local guide.  Unfortunately, the entrances and exits of many caves in Nilkawt are in very different environments, leading even the most experienced speleologists and ecologists to become exceedingly confused, tearful and disorientated.

Fortunately, Ms Cooee-Fish-Ant had previously been trained in advanced first aid, diplomatic protocols, hiking in all terrains, hiking consultation fees, celestial navigation, yodeling, opera singing and shouting very loudly.  She was therefore able to be rescued, along with her party of fifty-eight fellow middle-aged bushwalkers, by the naked official Royal Nilkawtian hermit, who was at the time also the Nilkawtian foreign minister.

As minister for housing, it is hoped Ms Cooee-Fish-Ant with bring additional efficiency to the housing portfolio.  Fortunately, no-one in Nilkawt has a mortgage.  There are no investment properties in Nilkawt.  All permanent housing in Nilkawt is owned and managed by resident co-operatives, each of which has a minimum of 150 members and a maximum of 250 members.

All planning for future permanent housing in Nilkawt is a matter for local government authorities.  No-one in the central government, including the minister for housing, has any authority to intervene in matters concerning permanent housing, except within the co-operatives in which they live.

Temporary accommodation is a central government responsibility.  This applies concerning homeless Nilkawtians as well as tourists, persons visiting on business, or as students, and/or as unwell persons and anyone else requiring somewhere safe to sleep when away from home for any reason, as long as they have the correct visas.

Ms Jeanie Cooee-Fish-Ant has much experience putting up tents, taking down tents and trying to ensure tents stay up when the weather is being unco-operative.  She also has considerable skills in building temporary emergency shelters from locally available materials, as well as raising awareness of various discomforts.  She is looking forward to the challenges of her new responsibilities tremendously.

The Nilkawtian Constitution states that the Gini coefficient in Nilkawt must remain stable at around 0.21, give or take 0.05.  This only applies regarding citizens of Nilkawt and not at all in relation to non-citizens or non-residents.  The Constitution also states that there must be a correlation between personal income, personal wealth and the quality of accommodation supplied for citizens and non-citizens, with the exception of government ministers and hermits.

In accordance with her previous experiences, Ms Cooee-Fish-Ant has already begun investigating the possibilities of turning the many caves of Nilkawt into various forms of non-permanent accommodation.  She has already established a sinking fund for finding and furnishing sinkholes.


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