Tuesday, 29 September 2015

Sublime Secretariat

The executive board of the International Training Centre for the Harmonious Interplay of Beauty, Understanding and Magnificence employs a full-time sublime secretariat to assist with its immensely important work around the world.

For many years, the secretariat was based in Adelaide in Australia.  More recently, however, the secretariat's main duties have been performed in Palazzo Twaklinikawt in Nilkawt.

In order to ensure its excellent administrative activities can continue to be performed to the required standard of efficiency and effectiveness, several unusual measures have been put in place.

Originally, the work was mainly carried out, ethereally and digitally, with the assistance of several historically suitable staff.  Since most of those persons have now resigned, in order to transfer their newly acquired sublime skills into other locations, it has become necessary to appoint other persons to take their places.

In addition, the only other ethereal former member of the secretariat has now been reassigned to other duties.  Before leaving the position, Doctor Piscopia devoted her attention to training the new, non-ethereal leadership team.  It is not yet known how receptive those persons may be to the ongoing requirements of enlightened leadership.

In view of the above, Doctor Piscopia is, in addition, no longer the principal private secretary to the chief executive officer of the International Training Centre for the Harmonious Interplay of Beauty, Understanding and Magnificence.  The current, ongoing chief executive officer is, of course, the current Nilkawtian head of state.

In Nilkawt, there is not just a sublime secretariat but also a sublime treasury and many sublime traditions and cultural artifacts.  This is due to the fact that an excellent education system is one of the main features of Nilkawtian life.

The Sublime Secretariat administers all the examinations for all the courses associated with Nilkawtian institutions.  It also sets and supervises those examinations, and many other forms of assessment, to ensure the highest standards are maintained.

All final examinations, for any Nilkawtian courses at all, are held either in the new royal palace in Twaklinton, Palazzo Twaklinilkawt, or in the old royal palace in Matildaville.  Examinations may occasionally even be offered through Villa Twaklinilkawt in Adelaide in Australia for persons unable to enter Nilkawtian territory.

Since the head of state began her own Nilkawtian duties, she has received the services of three highly secretive though not necessarily sensible servants, acting as her very private private secretaries.  The duties of those personages have been mainly involved with traditional opening and closing ceremonies.  It is fortunate, therefore, that those persons are not members of the sublime secretariat.

Doctor Piscopia has remained at the secretariat as the chief of staff to the chief executive officer, rather than as a private secretary to that personage in the latter's other capacities.  Maintaining their duties in both Nilkawt and Adelaide has been exceedingly difficult for both persons, even though they are sublimely ethereal and superbly secretarial themselves.

Every good leader has the ability to be a good secretary.  In many cases, a good secretary is also a good leader. Throughout much of history, a good secretary has unfortunately been required to cover the faults of a bad leader on innumerable occasions.  When a good secretary works for a good leader, the good leader will always have the deepest respect for the good secretary, with suitable remuneration and office facilities.

In addition to her other earlier duties, Doctor Piscopia found that the task of chairing the executive board meetings, alternating those duties with Mr Mozart and Queen Charlotte, had become exceedingly challenging for all three of them.  Their ethereal schedules have been immensely full.  Doctor Piscopia also acted as the interim chief operating officer of the training centre, even though she has never performed surgery personally.

Delegating tasks to the most suitably qualified and experienced person has always been the main duty of anyone working for the sublime secretariat of the International Training Centre for the Harmonious Interplay of Beauty, Understanding and Magnificence.  When Doctor Piscopia approached Lord Google for advice on how to perform better services as an executive chair, he advised the appointment of a seating device with a swivel mechanism on its base.

Doctor Piscopia subsequently asked the Duchess of Wikipedia about such matters.  Both ladies agreed that an inanimate object would make an excellent figurehead, but only if a dignified figure could be placed upon the chair itself.

The executive board wishes to announce today that the chairing of executive board meetings will now be tabled as the responsibility of a non-executive individual with immense prior experience of relevance to that essential duty.  Mr Mozart had wished for an orchestral conductor to be appointed to conduct the proceedings.  Queen Charlotte had wished to appoint a cup-bearer to the position.  Doctor Piscopia believed it would be preferable for a Venetian Doge to be offered the position.

Several months ago, the chief executive officer herself, Her Illustrious Highness, had directed all her ladies-in-waiting to receive intensive training, under the direct supervision of Doctor Piscopia.  This was to ensure they could fill any position in the sublime secretariat at short notice.

In reasoning that any problem could easily be solved whenever suitably qualified and experienced persons were available, Her Illustrious Highness has now managed to ensure there are three hundred and seventy seven persons on hand, eagerly waiting to offer assistance before anyone even drops a hat.

This is only an interim measure.  The main difficult is that a conflict of interest has already risen, given the fact that all educational and training institutions in Nilkawt are meant to be associated with the expression of enlightenment.  This does not appear to be consistent with the tasks performed by the chief lady-in-waiting in relation to the Nilkawtian treasury and prime ministership.

This potential problem was raised by Lady Philophrosyne Facebookian-Flabberghast, Countess of Cupateeunkaique, who is not one of the ladies-in-waiting but she is one of the very private private secretaries to the ethereal grand duchess.  The countess is also the sister-in-law to Lady Facebookian the well-known international socialite.  

Unfortunately Lady Facebookian and Lady Philophrosyne do not get on at all well together.  In fact, they have an intense rivalry.

Lady Philophrosyne may be rather flabby and often extraordinarily crabby though that is quite understandable.  She has been that way since she was appointed to establish the Nilkawtian Political Reform Commission last November, during the temporary abdication of Her Illustrious Highness the Grand Duchess.

Before taking up that additional responsibility, Lady Philophrosyne Facebookian-Flabberghast and Lady Facebookian had a tendency to dress the same way, wear similar make-up and style their hair in a similar fashion, in the same shade of brassy blonde.  Unfortunately, both ladies attended the same cosmetic surgeon in the same week on the Queensland Gold Coast and ended up with the same style of nose.

Lady Philophrosyne has also decided that she no longer wishes to continue carrying either the full name, or even the usual shortened version of the name, of her very strange, estranged second husband, who has never, in fact, visited Nilkawt.  Being a citizen only of the United Kingdom means that Sir Parsnip Yorkshire-Pudding-Facebookian-Likebutton is ineligible for a visa to enter Nilkawt.  

The same ineligibility fortunately also applies to Lady Facebookian.  Being a citizen of the United States of America and a long-time resident of everywhere except Nilkawt, that personage is unlikely ever to enter Nilkawtian territory in person.

Doctor Piscopia, Mr Mozart and Queen Charlotte are all honorary Nilkawtian citizens, not only due to their long established connection with the International Training Centre for the Harmonious Interplay of Beauty, Understanding and Magnificence in Adelaide, but also as a consequence of their willingness to continue their association with the esteemed institution after its sublime secretariat moved to Nilkawt.

Lady Philophrosyne is keen to ensure all sorts of mistakes are prevented throughout Nilkawtian territory, whether concerning important government announcements or not-very-important marriage and/or divorce announcements.  In fact, Lady Philophrosyne wishes to announce today that she wishes to be known from now on as Lady Philophrosyne Teaspoon-Sugarbowl-Flabberghast, though that preference will need to be directed to the relevant authority for official scrutiny before any such wish can be granted.

Although there has been a great deal of suspected and somewhat suspicious instability in the Nilkawtian treasury since the announcement of the new Nilkawtian cabinet in March of this year, a discovery has recently been made that the levels of government are, in fact, physical instruments rather than merely legal instruments pertaining to Constitutional structures.

This discovery has meant that the sublime secretariat itself can continue to operate efficiently and with sensitivity, even in the presence of a bubble.  The levels of government are, in fact, three spirit levels.  This seems to suggest there is a Freemasonry element in the Government of Nilkawt.  Mr Mozart has therefore been appointed to investigate the matter further.

The new Nilkawtian Minister for Education, Training and Interpersonal Niceties has been attempting to install his own appointees in various positions, especially in commissions.  He has even been attempting to place his mother at the head of the sublime secretariat and his twin brother, Eric, in Lady Philophrosyne's position, though without her hair, nose or dress preferences.

Doctor Piscopia has pointed out to the minister that he must abide by his Constitutional duties, even though he has stated publicly that he does not like the properties of tea or consultation.  The head of state and the judges of the Hike Kawt Court of the Caught have therefore been consulted by Doctor Piscopia with some urgency in that regard.

To pay for the work of the sublime secretariat, the matter of funding was raised at the recent official ceremony of the ceremonies and the salaries.  The endowment fund in Adelaide is still insufficient for Nilkawtian purposes, especially as there is a possibility that traditional official ribbons are to be supplied for use with all new documentation associated with the sublime secretariat.