Friday, 29 January 2016

How to Become a Lady-in-Waiting

Thousands of applications are received each year from persons wishing to become Ladies-in-Waiting in Nilkawt.  A possible reason for this is that the job is considered to be highly glamorous.

Further investigation has revealed that this perception is mainly due to the fact that these positions require the holders to wear beautiful clothes, make-up, hats, shoes and wigs in public, regardless of their scheduled duties.  The Ladies-in-Waiting do, in fact, make all their own official clothes, with the assistance of several experts.

Young persons wishing to become Ladies-in-Waiting are advised to begin with an understanding of Twaklinhood and various other aspects of successful personal development.  Older applicants are, in addition, advised to continue with their own current training, at least if their training is relevant.

All the current Ladies-in-Waiting began their careers by successfully completing the introductory Twaklinoviate at the secular Abbey of Needle's Eye.  The ladies are, indeed, all still devoted members of the Order of the Perpetual Wait.

Most Nilkawtian Ladies-in-Waiting can dance sufficiently well when asked to perform in that capacity on official occasions.  Many of the Ladies-in-Waiting can sing sufficiently well, especially those without the ability to dance.   The singing ladies are able to write their own lyrics, and sometimes even their own music.  Singing is certainly beneficial whenever a Lady-in-Waiting is allocated the short-term position of Nilkawtian Prime Minister.

None of the current Ladies-in-Waiting has ever been married, engaged to be married, experienced a pregnancy or appeared on a reality television show, anywhere in the world.  They are completely dedicated to their careers.

The current Nilkawtian Head of State personally appoints only the most senior three hundred and seventy seven of her Ladies-in-Waiting, who are mostly known as the Women of the Bedchamber.  They are selected from amongst the most competent and experienced Ladies-in-Waiting.

All new Ladies-in-Waiting are appointed through a democratic process.  All the current holders of the position are eligible to vote after at least five years of satisfactory service.

Nilkawtian Ladies-in-Waiting are highly trained, highly accomplished individuals.  They have the capacity to work as personal assistants, domestic workers, administrators, managers, intelligence gatherers, public servants, publicists, public relations experts, social scientists, performing artists, companions, personal service providers, emergency service workers, security officers, diplomats and constitutional experts, all at the same time.

For the first two years as a Lady-in-Waiting, the holder of the position is know as a Maid of Honour.  Anyone wishing to become a Lady-in-Waiting is initially advised to gain experience as a personal assistant, a secular postulant and/or a lady's companion and to display competence in various aspects of domestic work, including as a lady's maid and housekeeper.

The ability to cook, arrange flowers, maintain a strict budget, manage correspondence and supervise social media activities will also be useful.  Previous experience as a lady-in-waiting elsewhere is not usually necessary.  Experience as a servant of art and as a servant of enlightenment are essential.

Keeping up with technological advances and dealing effectively with political challenges are of the utmost importance for all Nilkawtian Ladies-in-Waiting.  All the ladies have proficiency in dealing with the politics of externality and unintended consequences.  They know that reasonable attention to detail, through the maintenance and development of human capital, is at the heart of all good policy.

Training to become a Lady-in-Waiting always requires a large quantity of financial assets to be converted into human capital.  Finding the financial assets to use for such purposes is the responsibility of the trainee in question.

The three most senior of the senior Women of the Bedchamber formulate the ever changing curriculum for prospective Ladies-in-Waiting.  The three ladies also formulate, design, make and manage the robes and other clothing of the Head of State.  With the supervision of the Head of State, they commission the shoes, hats and other accessories required by Her Illustrious Highness, as well as all the unique pieces of new furniture required in Palazzo Twaklinilkawt, the official royal residence.

All the Women of the Bedchamber are responsible for ensuring the safe keeping of the Regal Jewels, the Crown Jewels and the Constitutional Jewels.  They also program the Royal Robots and Noble Automatons.

The three most senior Women of the Bedchamber are known as:

1. The Lady of the Bedchamber
2. The Mistress of the Robes
3. The Marchioness of Algorithms

The Chief Lady-in-Waiting (CLW) is a rostered position amongst all the Women of the Bedchamber, even if the holder, at any given moment, is not a senior Lady-in-Waiting at all.

Thursday, 28 January 2016

Transition to a Right Royal Republic

On Tuesday, in the royal palace in Twaklinton, the current head of state of the Nilkawtian constitutional monarchy gave a highly significant speech. 

Her Illustrious Highness gently pointed out that there are no government structures, anywhere in the world, as advanced as those already in place in Nilkawt.  All official Nilkawtians agree that future constitutional arrangements are the most important matters in any society.

It became obvious from the speech that Her Illustrious Highness supports the careful, gradual, constitutional implementation of a Nilkawtian right royal republic.  The ethereal grand duchess believes over-excited adulation towards individuals such as herself is exceedingly distasteful, as is over-excited hostility.  It is even more distasteful, in her view, to respond in an over-excited manner towards persons less worthy of great honour.

In the highly informed opinion of the ethereal grand duchess, the second Age of Enlightenment requires simple, effective and peaceful transitional arrangements to be developed and implemented all over the world.  In uncorrupted societies, these arrangements will lead, in her view, towards dignified, respectable, respectful, peaceful, fair and prosperous democratic republics.

A more enlightened form of democracy in Nilkawt, in her view, is unlikely to be supplied through the current Constitution of Nilkawt.  In the speech, the grand duchess stated that to have both a monarchy and a democracy is an impossibility, given the fact that monarchy means the rule of one and democracy means the rule of many.

In any society, Her Illustrious Highness proclaimed, who the many should be is just as important as who the one should be, hence the importance of an enlightened education.

It has been a great honour for this embassy to have been officially permitted to report upon the speech.

More about Nilkawt


Traditional transitional arrangements


Thursday, 21 January 2016

Traditional Transitional Arrangements

Today, all the official staff of the digital Embassy of Nilkawt will be participating in the World Enlightenment Forum.  This is a very important day.  One of the main sessions of the forum this morning will be on the meaning of tradition in the process of transition.

It is an overcast, warm and humid morning here in Adelaide.  This is unusual.  As all Nilkawtians are well aware, anything unusual is not traditional.

The unusual often has a detrimental effect on traditions, especially when the unusual transforms into a permanent change.  Adaptions to changes may be welcomed, defied or even denied whenever freedom of expression is permitted.

It is not yet known how most Adelaideans, and most visitors to Adelaide, feel about the weather today.  They may believe they have woken up in Darwin or Townsville, or somewhere equally uncomfortable at this time of year.

Here in Adelaide, at 7.30 this morning, the official weather data was as follows:

No wind  0.0kph
Higher than usual humidity 49%
Pleasant temperature 23C

Yet all official announcements through this embassy are usually published at 9am, including this one. Please note, therefore, that the official weather data is likely to be different as the day progresses. 

No weather data is yet available for the predicted conditions today in Nilkawt.  If you intend to travel to Nilkawt from Adelaide today, whether by car, bicycle, tricycle, roller skates or by any other means of transportation, please ensure you are familiar with the environmental conditions en route.

Please also note that there are non-traditional transitional arrangements in place at this embassy today.  A genuine, Nilkawtian automaton will be sitting at the reception desk here in the annex for much of the day, to assist with your questions about traditional transitional arrangements and other Nilkawtian traditions. 

As long as you speak clearly and slowly, and rather loudly, the remarkably lifelike automaton, Anne Sazz, will be able to reply to your questions with accuracy, courtesy and efficiency on any of the following matters: